Moonlight
Wish to share recent gem by my literary mentor and Max Babi’s “Ghazal” originally written by him in “Gujrati” language and transcreated in English also by him.. The meaning of Transcreation, in his words is also being appended
Those of us who know more than one language have often felt saddened to see poor quality ‘translations’ because ‘word for word’ technique does not work. It leads at times to amusing, even eye-sore results.
A transcreated poem is written by a poet who has mastered at least two languages. I do that in four, by the way, and I wish to popularize this concept which has been liked immensely by poetry lovers who may be mono-lingual. I happen to have lots of poets as friends who write exceedingly well in their mother tongues but are hesistant to try their hand at translation, or do not like the whole business of word for word translation.
The Ghazal is a poetic genre, the beauty of which lies in its immense lyricism, brevity, sensitivity, imagery, subtlety, and epigrammatic terseness . It also gives the poet the freedom to deal with various themes in its couplets within the given framework of the metre and the rhyme scheme.
Chandni – ( Moonlight ) A Ghazal- Transcreation :
Today on a moonless night why wouldn’t moonlight float up my memories
While the afternoon writhes in fire, why wouldn’t night float up my memories
In a swift stroke of wordless cyclone of emotions,
Why wouldn’t mute feelings exchanged through eyes, float up my memories.
When life’s own cacophony transcends all barriers
Why wouldn’t sounds caught unwittingly, float up my memories.
As it is when words stuffed in my psyche have atrophied
Why wouldn’t some forgotten inner voice, float up my memories.
To aid untangling lifelong questions and answers
Why wouldn’t debates buried in my psyche, float up my memories.
Joy and sorrow are like sun and rain, in barren days,
Why wouldn’t body and soul-wetting rain float up my memories.
When life seems like a mindless rut going around in circles
Why wouldn’t some forgotten fount of emotional delight float up my memories.
When I live alone like a palm tree amidst a field of grass
Why wouldn’t within the rippling ocean of souls, my child float up my memories.
When groans shove forward, pushing aside words,
Why wouldn’t, if the assembly listens,’Mushtaq’ an applause float up from the noise.
© Max Babi
Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden
on 08 Mar 2009 at 1:15 pm 1.Max Babi said …
Thanks a lot Ajay,
This looks good, and the illustration is engaging too.
How about giving a link to my post at Facebook?
Like some of my faithful readers said, reading this ghazal in Gujarati fonts, is more fun.
I wish I had magnified an implied meaning ; the wordplay on “Chandni’.
There’s a subtle shift in meaning between ;-
1. ” Chaand-ni yaad kem naa aave…’
2. “Chandni yaad kem naa aave…”
Those who speak, write in and use Gujarati would obviously catch this subtle trick.
For the non-Gujarati’s, there’s a risk of over-dissection which kills the soul of a poem.
Warmth
Max
on 08 Mar 2009 at 9:08 pm 2.(fleur)marie-ancolie said …
I wish I could read in the original language, but how moving it is in english.
Yes reading and understanding many languages helps to better feel in our soul what is written by the heart of the poet/writer.
If the translation is perfectky done by the author him/herself, than we are able (whe must know this language too) to see a part of his/her heart/soul.
Thank you Ajay for posting this pearl/jewel. Where , for the beauty of the signs.characters, can I find the original writing ?
Also, the photo illustrating is just perfect, it goes 100% with the poem.
Blessings to you
Marie.
on 09 Mar 2009 at 12:03 am 3.Magda said …
Oh, I admire that poem, and I like very much this drawing too. I would love to listen it in Gujarati, I remember my soul was flying when our Indian Civilisation Prof. K.M. Byrski was reading in that language. Thank you very much Ajay and Max! Warm regards! :-)
on 09 Mar 2009 at 12:07 pm 4.Entropy said …
Dear Marie & Magda..
Thanks for your kind words and thoughts..
“The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean”
- Robert Louis Stevenson
on 09 Mar 2009 at 7:10 pm 5.parul said …
Hey Ajubhai,
Beautiful poem..Would love to read it in Gujarati.. … Lovely illustrations.
parul
on 09 Mar 2009 at 7:55 pm 6.Entropy said …
Friends.. Reproducing the Original Gujrati version.. for who can read Gujrati
Chandni yaad kem naa aave
આજે અમાવસના દિવસે ચાંદની યાદ કેમ નાઆવે
બળબળતા બપોરના ત્રાસમાં રાતની યાદ કેમ ના આવે
લાગણીઓના નિશબ્દ વાવાઝોડાના ઝપાટા માં
આંખો આંખો માં કરેલ વાતો યાદ કેમ ના આવે
જિંદગીનો પોતાનો કોલાહલ મર્યાદા મૂકે ત્યારે
વગર પ્ર યાસે પકડી પાડેલસાદની યાદ કેમ ના આવે
આમેય શબ્દો માનસમાં ગોંધાઈને પન્ગુ થઈ ગયા છે
ત્યારે, કોઈ ભુલાઈ ગયેલ અન્તર્નાદની યાદ કેમ ના આવે
જીવનભરના પ્રશ્નો અને ઉત્તરોના ગુંચવાડા ઉકેલવા
અંતરપટ માં ખૂંપાઈ ગયેલ વાદ-વિવાદની યાદ કેમ ના આવે
સુખ દુખ તો જાણે તડકો અને વર્ષા, ઉજ્જડ દિવસો માં
તન્મન રૅસ-તરબોળ કેરી નાખે ઍવો વરસાદ યાદ કેમ ના આવે
તેલની ઘાણી માં જૉડેલ બળદઈયા જેવી જિંદગી ભાસે
ત્યારે, કો’ક વિસરી ગયેલ ઉન્માદની યાદ કેમ ના આવે
ઍકલા અટૂલા તાડને જીવવું પડે ઘાસના મેદાન માં
ત્યારે ખદ બદ્તા આત્માઓની વચ્ચે ઔલાદની યાદ કેમ ના આવે
શબ્દો બાજુઍ ધકેલીને આગળ થાય જ્યારે સિસ્કારા,
સાંભળે મેહફીલ આખી ને, ‘મુશ્તાક’ ઍક પણ દાદ કેમ ના આવે.
(સી) ”મુશ્તાક” બાબી
on 09 Mar 2009 at 10:30 pm 7.Max Babi said …
Thanks a lot, Ajay, you’ve given me a lot of exposure amongst sensitive souls. You also simplified my job by posting the original in Gujarati.
Those who are members or Gather dot com or, Facebook, can see many more Gujarati and Urdu poems written by me and transcreated by me too.
Thanks everyone…..
Magda, could you tell me more about your Prof. K.M. Byrski please?
Warm regards,
Max / ‘Mushtaque’ Babi